On the Orgin of Gods

It was once postulated that the origin of God was in the life of a great, charismatic ape that once lived long ago on the savannas of Africa. Tales of this ape’s achievements circulated long after his death. Each retelling was an exaggeration of the last: an elaborated detail here, a smudged fact there. It wasn't long before the humble primate began to accrue a supernatural reputation, his original identity fading away within an endless chain of Chinese whispers.

If you’re prepared to believe this, then it’s not unreasonable to propose that this omniscient ape may have been responsible for a crucial human discovery deep within the mists of time; a moment of ingenuity that gave him his initial celebrity status. Perhaps he discovered fire?

The moment must have been heavy with destiny. A hot summer on an African plane; an ape rubs two sticks together to annoy his mother-in-law; suddenly a spark flies; a dry patch of grass ignites, history is made and a God is born.

Alas, being a credulous beast, and lacking the wisdom of Fire Marshall Bill, it isn’t long before our proto-god makes a crucial error. Whilst attempting to grill his first piece of sirloin, he gets too close to the warming orange glow and promptly goes up in flames. Thus, another important discovery is made and the first appearance of religion is quickly followed by the first heretic to be burnt alive with his steak*. Unfortunately, those two ideas have rarely been separable since.

*later to become “burnt at the stake”, after millenia of lexical drift.

Eternity is a Long Time

For people who are plagued by doubts, there is one great killer argument that should be able to wipe out any last vestiges of faith.

Of course, there are supposed to be many of these fine-sounding arguments; burden of proof, the existence of mystery religions, scriptural contradictions. Most of these can be wrestled with whilst still retaining at least a token of faith. But there is one argument that, not to put too finer point on it, is a real devil to rationalize!

George Carlin sums this faith-killer up in his show “You are all Diseased”:

“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man, living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of those things he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you, to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time…but he loves you!”

Why would an all-loving God condemn one of his children to hell forever?

God is love. A quality that encompasses mercifulness, kindness and compassion. Whether you believe he fulfills your every prayer, or whether you think he’s someone else’s imaginary friend, you have to at least admit that he’s a good listener.

In the Bible, I learnt about the prodigal son. How God is like the concerned and patient father who's filled with joy when his wayward son returns home to beg forgiveness for the mess that he’s made of his life. The father, who has never relented from loving his son, doesn’t care about the boy’s mistakes, or the pain that he’s caused the family. Only that he has made it home safe and sound.

During our lives, the door is always open for us. God, in his mercy, tells us that it’s not too late, there’s nothing that you can do that makes you ineligible for repentance afterwards. But when you die things are different. If you haven’t repented by that point, then you’ve missed the boat big time, the father has run out of patience for his prodigal son. You are condemned to an eternity of torture. Is that fair?

God is just. I understand that. People can be cruel and hurtful and it doesn’t matter how much you love them, you have to restrict their freedom for their own good. It’s what we call ‘tough love’.

Take the example of a mother living with her daughter and meth-addicted son. The son is in a seemingly hopeless situation, he’s addicted to a drug that is slowly consuming his life. When he’s not high, he’s either out looking for the next hit or the money to pay for it.

Eventually, he loses his job. Without a ready supply of cash, he resorts to stealing money from his parents to pay for his hits. When the mother discovers this, she’s left with a tough choice. She could be patient; she loves her son after all and doesn’t want to cause unnecessary stress or pain that would upset the family balance. On the other hand, she could call the police and have him arrested and hauled off to a young-offenders institution. She decides to phone the police.

On the surface, it seems like a betrayal. But in reality, it’s probably the right thing to do. She has to consider the risk to her son’s life by leaving things the way they are, as well as the example that he is setting for his younger sister. By having her son arrested, she’s forgoing her own desire to live in peace with her family in order to give him a chance of salvation; even if it means that he might hate her for it.

It’s perfectly understandable for God to act the same way. He doesn’t want us to go to hell, that seems clear, but if we are addicted to our sin and unwilling to get help then he can’t be in our presence. God, by definition, is holiness personified. We read in the Bible that people with the merest hint of sin, who look on God’s face as it truly is, end up dead.

So, problem solved?

Unfortunately not. There is one all consuming fallacy in this argument. It could go some way to solving the question if Hell was just a temporary state. But of course, there is no redemption in Hell. No rehabilitation back to holiness, only punishment. You are a goner. A lost soul, destined to spend eternity wishing you were dead and regretting that you had ever lived.

Long ago, the Catholic Church realized the potential havoc that this little hurdle could have on the faith of its docile believers. So they came up with the concept of purgatory. Depending on the diabolicalness of your crimes, you would serve a limited amount of time in a kind of spiritual limbo, before being joyously released back into the presence of God. Liken it to sitting in the corner of the classroom with a giant ‘D’ cap on your head. Once you’ve had time to reflect on the rubber bands you’ve been flicking at the teacher’s head and apologize; then you can finally join the rest of the class in the playground.

Now I’m starting to sound negative, I hate that. But wait! All is not lost! A good God can still exist! What’s more, he doesn’t have to be the cruel, malevolent and petty God of fiction that certain best-selling authors have made him out to be.

But first, you’ve go to do one thing for me. Okay?

Put aside the notion that God can do anything (*stunned silence from the faithful*). It does more harm than good I’m afraid. It makes us entertain ludicrous logic-bending questions, such as “Can God create a bolder so big that he can’t lift it?”. Why would he even entertain the idea of doing this in the first place?

Sure, he could turn the Atlantic Ocean into grape juice, paint the Los Angeles skyline pink with green poker dots or even materialize a giant china teapot in a Martian orbit for an unwitting Astronomer to see. He probably won’t.

The only way I can bend my mind around this problem is to assume that God has principles. BIG principles. Could there be things he can’t do because they contradict the nature of the universe, his nature?

Do you remember the genie in Disney’s Aladdin? Before granting the three wishes to his dumbfounded owner, he tells Aladdin about the big three rules. Rule number one, he can’t kill anyone. Rule number two, he can’t make somebody love somebody else. Rule number three, he can’t raise the dead (besides, he doesn’t like doing it). That’s just the way it is.

Perhaps God works in a similar vein. He can’t change certain situations because of the repercussions. He doesn’t like Hell. He’s not up in heaven having a good laugh over the poor misfortunate souls stuck there. Could it be that he cries out in tears of sorrow for each child that he loses to it?

God is Just. It’s a big part of his character. He can’t stand sin, because by its very definition, sin is the absence of God. Sin is the veil pulled over our eyes that hides us from his forgiveness. Eventually it leads us to destruction.

It seems clear that God goes out of his way to let people make up their own minds. He gives them the freedom to screw up, because by screwing up they actually learn something. They learn to love.

Well, I still need help.

Beauty Beyond Desire

All red-blooded males will know what it's like to lust after an attractive woman that they don't know. It happens to us all the time. Well, at least the temptation does. Of course, you could be one of those Bleeding Pharisees, walking around with your eyes firmly fixed to the ground and your head bouncing off the occasional lamppost. In which case, read no further.

It so happened that an attractive woman sat opposite me on the train today. Freakishly, I found myself in the strange situation of not desiring her!

It's not that she wasn't pretty, she was drop-dead beautiful. So beautiful in fact, that all I could do was admire her face and how wonderfully crafted it was. Her eyes shone like two glimmering obsidian stones, tilted inwards at the slightest of angles. Her hair was thin, but silkily blond. Her skin gave the impression of softness, not from fancy over-applied make-up, but from a natural tanned hue. It seemed that her eyebrows were arched perfectly, in preparation for a million possible expressions. A masterpiece!

Despite all of these endearing qualities, my eyes never left her face and my desire never left my heart. I was stuck in the thought of how beautiful a creation she was. Angelic even. Perhaps it's a similar sensation as holding your baby daughter for the first time.

Leaving the train, I pondered on the uniqueness of the whole experience. Why can't I look at all women this way? In fact, why can't I look at all human beings this way?

You may say that this is all nonsense (especially if you're a bloke). It only takes a flash of a woman's flesh sometimes to trigger the usual transformation. Hormones start racing the Epsom Derby, the 'object vs person' ethic flutters out the window and IQ points begin to drop to prehistoric cave-man levels. Looking at women with such pious purity is surely impossible, and looking at all people as if they are a masterpiece of creation is ridiculous. Right?

I think not. Consider it this way, aren't you looking at certain people with complete purity right now? Close friends who you've known for years perhaps? Your sister? Your mother?

Okay, even if you buy that, how on earth is it possible to look at ugly folks with admiration?

Eye of the beholder my friend. No doubt some other guy will see my angel of the underground and think that she's just some woman with a fat face and thinning hair.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, like the woman on the train, we all have our beautiful side. Parts of us that are so attractive that they could make angels breakdown in tears of admiration. Perhaps you have silky, vibrant hair. Perhaps you have a beautifully crafted nose (without the plastic surgeon's help). Maybe your eyes are pits so deep and dark that someone could get lost in them, never to escape.

Truth is, it doesn't matter who you are or how ugly you think you are, you have been bestowed with loveliness that would take the breath away of any fellow train passenger. Because, let's be honest, there is no Michelangelo painting adorning the walls of the Sistine Chapel that is half as splendid as you are. No invention of Leonardo De Vinci's comes close to outdoing the creativeness that makes up you. In fact, no artist has ever painted, crafted or moulded anything that comes close to your heart-breaking elegance. Even those without the good fortune of having a Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle named after them.

So, stop worrying about your bushy eyebrows or your fat backside. You're a bloody jewel!